I am smarter than my phone…

OK, probably not.  But I used to be.  I recently have graduated (back) to a smart phone...leaving the peace and tranquility of my dumb phone behind me.  I used to have a smart phone…although back than it was just called a toy.  As many of you know I used to be the Chef for Microsoft Corp, they insisted on the latest technology (I know ironic).  I started out at MS many years ago with just a regular any old phone…although the technology was so advanced that one was a flip phone.  Yup no more having to touch that pesky end call button, just flip your wrist and you were on your way to being in the ranks of Captain Kurk with his fancy flip communicator.  Since I wasn’t leading any mission to seek out new life and new civilization, I stayed with my flip phone for nearly 7 years (it worked for Captain Kirk, it will work for me).  I was taken aback when IT called and said I was getting a smart phone.  I covered the ears of my flip phone…it was the right thing to do.  It was pretty cool though- sleek, very slim, very small buttons for my gorilla hands.  After 5 hours of set-up and 6 visits to IT, my smart phone was ready for action…but only 45 minutes of action before I needed to charge it for an hour.  After installing the extra life battery, my phone was now 1-3/4” thick and weighed about 6 pounds.  I had to tighten my belt when I put it in my pocket, but having a full 65 minutes between charges was worth it.  Over the years, I got fancier and fancier phones.  I am not sure how it happened, but slowly- gradually something changed.  My phone had become smarter than I was.  It told me when to eat, when to go places, what time it was.  I couldn’t function without it.  When I dropped it down the elevator shaft (another story I can share with you latter, but it had to do with my boss insisting that I use a belt clip for my phone) I simply had to go home.  My computer didn’t talk to me and I  would look pretty stupid walking around holding it to me ear (after all, it was more about the status symbol than the ability to download text emails in lightning fast 5 minutes each). 

When I finally left Microsoft for a leap back into family life, I left behind my smarter phone, my laptop, and everything else tied with fast business.  I wanted to start fresh.  I wanted to swear off the constant bombardment of technology and information and focus on family.  I bought a very stupid phone…a flip phone.  I even went as far as buying a burn phone so I wouldn’t be caught in any contract trap.  Then, I started Shoreline Farm Supply.  I insisted that I can do this the old fashion way…with nothing more than a really expensive computer, a cell phone and a GPS thingy.  I was once again smarter than my phone…I just didn’t know when to eat, where to go and I had to push a button to find out what time it was.  It was only after I accidently connecting to the web…apparently by holding my phone wrong…and then stayed connected for a very long time while my bill grew by leaps and bounds, that I realized that my dumb phone was still too smart.  Hence how it earned the label of a stupid phone.  Regardless, that phone has done me right for the last couple of years.  Customers could call me and I could call them.  I did learn that that’s not how business is done anymore.  Most of my customers were younger than I am.  Some are MUCH younger.  I found out that anyone under 35 was never taught how to use a regular phone or in some cases have even seen a dumb phone.  So…now I have a Facebook account.  I blog…sort of.  I send out mostly texts.  I decided that I had to buy a smart phone to manage everything.  I am not sure how smart it is…it keeps yelling at me instead of calmly explaining what I am doing wrong.  I finally configured the emails and visual voicemails.  Useful since you can’t read while driving and driving is 90% of what I do.  I have a Bluetooth to talk and drive…of course every time I turn it on it goes on and on about how I am supposed to use it.  (Really, it talks to me and reads off a paragraph of instructions every time I turn it on.  I just turn it on and leave it on the counter to go through its routine.  I shudder when I think of what will happen if it figures out I am ignoring it.)  Time will tell if I made the smart purchase.  Theoretically, I will be able to stay in touch and respond faster to customers.  I hope so, I did it for them.  I personally would like to be smarter than my phone again.  Maybe latter.